Everyone dreams of finding the perfect mate, and they often refer to this perfect mate as “the one.” This is an old idea that is rooted in ancient superstition, and yet, it has proven to be very persistent. In many cases, this belief can foster a sense of perfectionism that destroys relationships very quickly. Let’s examine this myth in greater detail, shall we?
Where Does The Idea of “Finding The One” Come From?
Some say that this idea has its origin with the writings of Plato. In the Symposium (one of his most famous works), he includes a speech from another famous ancient Greek, that being the playwright Aristophanes. Aristophanes has often been called “the father of comedy,” and his speech in the Symposium fits this image.
He told a metaphorical tale, saying that humans were once beings with four arms, four legs, and two heads. Then, seeing that the people were becoming too powerful, Zeus cut them in half, creating male and female.
Thus, he says, everyone is seeking to find their other half. This speech was given in praise of the love god Eros, and so, love was the subject of the day. Although this speech wasn’t meant to be taken literally, its ideas have stuck with us to this day.
Of course, we cannot put all the blame on the ancient Greeks. Hollywood and other centers of popular media have run with this concept, mostly because it makes for good romance stories. In the modern era, they have done more to promote this myth than anyone.
The Problems Of This Worldview
There are many ways to approach the subject of dating, but this is definitely not one of the better ones. Chances are, Plato and Aristophanes never intended for people to take these ideas so literally.
You should bear in mind that these men were philosophers and poets, who often speak in riddles and metaphors. They do this partly for entertainment value, but also to obscure certain wisdom and force people to chase the truth. All of that is great for philosophy, but not so great for dating.
The biggest problem is that this attitude of “finding the one” encourages people to expect perfection. It gives them the false belief that they will eventually find the mate who is completely “perfect” in every way. Why is this belief false? Well, mostly because a perfect human being does not exist, never has existed, and (probably) never will exist. Love requires people to accept one another’s flaws.
There is nothing wrong with seeking a mate who fits your desires and expectations. At the same time, you need to understand that compromise is a necessary thing. Besides, how would you even know perfection if you found such a thing? Your definition of “perfection” is probably quite different from mine, and vice versa. The very concept of “perfection” is based on dubious grounds, at least when it comes to dating.
Here is another worthy question: If you found perfection, would you deserve such? In other words, are you the perfect mate? Because otherwise, you wouldn’t really have any right to expect the perfect mate. Now, do you see how this line of thinking can become really silly (and really hypocritical) in a hurry? If you want your partner to accept your flaws, you have to be ready to accept theirs.
Fate Doesn’t Offer You A Choice
When you believe that fate has put a perfect mate on earth for you (and that you will be brought together by fate), you’re making a lot of baseless assumptions. However, that’s not the only problem.
You see, this idea of “finding the one” is just another form of an old idea: Fatalism. Fatalism is the belief in destiny…that things are going to happen in a predetermined way. Kind of depressing, huh?
Here is why fatalism is not a good attitude for dating: It doesn’t offer you a choice. This worldview says that there is one perfect mate for you out there, and only one. Therefore, it implicates that you must reject everybody who isn’t that perfect “one.” Obviously, you cannot meet “the one” if you are already committed to someone else. In your view, you no longer have any choice but to become a complete perfectionist.
We have heard many stories from people who were rejected by their significant other because they were not “the one.” In most cases, these people broke off perfectly good relationships over the smallest of flaws. The other person is usually confused, wondering how things went wrong, but the answer is simple:
These actions make no sense because people are following blind emotion and unfounded superstition. You cannot expect to understand such things unless you look at them through that lens.
The main thing you should be looking for is whether or not you enjoy spending time with that person. If you do, then you should spend more time with them and see if you can turn it into something long term. That’s how we all should approach dating.
So how do you find people like that? Well, chatrooms.org.au/ is a good place to start. Who knows, you might find your ideal partner on this website itself. Give it a try and see where it takes you.
Chances are, you’re not perfect either. That’s why you have to be able to accept certain flaws in your potential partner. Obviously, there is a limit to how much you should compromise, but perfectionism is just plain unhealthy. We would advise you to examine your views from a rational perspective and see how the idea of “the one” is completely unrealistic. Or, you could disregard our advice and continue looking for “the one.”
If you really want to remain alone forever, that’s an easy way to do so. However, we hope that you will rethink this attitude, and your love life will surely improve as a result.