Getting over a broken relationship can be very hard especially when you have invested a lot of time and emotion into it. There is a general belief that women tend to deal with breakups worse than men. While this is not true, most women appear to be more affected only because they are more open about their hurt while men bottle it all up. You can read a report on the subject here.
This article is focused on how women can get over the hurt and pain of a broken relationship and move on with their lives. We will try to look at simple steps that can be taken through this healing process, to wholeness. This is very important as without attaining wholeness, it will be difficult for that woman to accept love again.
Let’s look at a few steps that any woman can take to get over a relationship.
1. Let it All Out
One of the very first things you need to do is let it all out. Let out all the hurt and pain the best way you can. If it is by crying, then cry and let everything flow out through your tears. If you want to scream, find a place to do so freely (or maybe just scream into your pillow).
Do whatever you need to do to let out the hurt. Make sure you do not keep this suppressed. Holding it all back in will cause you more hurt and make it difficult for your to move on.
2. Talk to Someone
After you’ve let it all out, the next thing to do is find someone to talk to. It could be a trained counselor or a trusted friend. Just the same way you poured out your emotions through your tears and screams, tell your confidant your fears, hurts etc. An article on this subject was published on the UCLA website. Find it here: http://www.scn.ucla.edu/AL/sciam.html
Talking kind of paints a picture of what you are going through. Sometimes, just talking about it gives you a new perspective of the issues. You might discover that some things you held unto very strongly are not as important as you thought.
The purpose of the talk is purely therapeutic and not necessarily to get counsel from your confidant. However, having a trained counsellor or a good friend remind you of who you are and also assure you that it was not your fault, can be very helpful.
One thing that many women deal with a lot is the thought of what they could have done differently. There is almost always some blame or guilt associated with the hurt and pain. This is why the American Dating Society provides information to help women deal with different issues of emotions and relationships.
Talk deeply and freely to aid your emotional recovery.
3. Do Some Housekeeping
Depending on the length of time you spent in the relationship and the type of relationship it was, you may have accumulated some personal effects of your ex. These include: pictures, cloths, toiletries etc. These need to be taken out.
A study showed that viewing pictures of your ex can cause what amounts to physical pain. You can read the full study here. To save yourself from the mental torture of the constant reminder these items can constitute, get rid of them.
If you were married, then consult your lawyer before getting rid of anything so the action does not result in any legal issues.
4. Enjoy Some Distraction
This is a good time to have some distraction. Your friends may have been urging you to come out with them. If you can, do so. If not, simply go out on a refreshing walk. While a mere walk might not offer enough distraction, it will at least give you an opportunity to get out of the house into the open.
5. Evaluate the Relationship
This is an important, howbeit difficult part of the process. You are a bit calmer now so it is a good time to ask yourself those questions you were asking initially but without the guilt. Make no mistake, some of the hurt will still be there but you will be able to handle it.
Try to honestly look at the relationship in retrospect and see if there were things you could have done differently. This is not about apportioning blame but about understanding what went wrong so you can do better next time.
6. Stop Waiting for the Phone to Ring
It’s normal for you to sit by the phone, hoping that your ex will call wanting you back. While this could happen, you should not sit by your phone waiting for a call that may never come.
Interestingly, some people do not necessarily want their ex back (especially if the ex did the dumping), they just want to have an opportunity to say no if he wants them back! The thought that were dumped is what hurt them the most.
Move on with your life.
7. No Stalking
Stop stalking your ex on social media (and of course not in real life). Checking what they have posted, what they are doing, who they are with etc. does you absolutely no good. You will just be causing yourself more hurt.
8. Love Yourself and Get Ready to be Loved
It’s time to begin to love yourself again. Talk to yourself constantly, telling yourself you deserve the best. If you do not love yourself, you will not be lovable. You now need to begin to go out to meet new people.
The broken relationship is in the past. You have evaluated it and learned whatever lessons you need to learn. It’s now time to get back on the horse and ride with confidence.
Getting over breakups can indeed be very hard as several studies have shown. One study presents some interesting effects of a breakup which include the disruption of your body’s physiology. You can read about it here: http://elmo.sbs.arizona.edu/projects/sbarra/Sbarra_Hazan_CoReg_2008.pdf.
The good news however is that regardless of how bad it is, you can successfully get out of it and get on with your life if you follow the steps listed above.